There's no way I will be at the game next Sunday (on the turf, 8:30 start to avoid the xxxtreme heat) unless the kids age 20 years and move out before Saturday night. Therefore we have two job vacancies:
WHITE TEAM STRIKER WANTED! Must be able to miss chances from more than two feet, trip over ball while attempting to control it, chase ball like headless chicken but with even more futility. English accent preferred (though camp stereotypical gay accent acceptable - not many people can tell the difference.) Experience of keeping account of goals scored (by self, not team) essential. Under 270lbs and 6ft, please bring blue shirt just in case.
MATCH DAY REPORTER WANTED! Must be able to recall memorable match day incidents for reporting later in the day. Must be able to insult everyone without making it sound like you are. Writing experience required (though if you can write your own name, you are probably overqualified.) Blue team perspective welcomed, just to see how the other half lives.
Applications for both positions welcomed!
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