Gentlemen -
We, as fathers*, get one day a year. This Sunday is our day.
If your wife/the mother of your children doesn't wake you up with a bacon sandwich, coffee, a good ******* (though there's no such thing as a bad one), then clean your turf shoes and give you a playful slap on the butt as you leave for the field and promise they'll help you wash all the sweat off when you come home after the game, they are committing a FELONY and should be reported to the nearest FBI headquarters for re-conditioning.
It might be worth considering an 8:30 start too, given that it's currently hotter than the surface of the sun and that's unlikely to change all week. Ball boys/girls get paid double if there's a heat advisory warning in effect. Grandfathers get a two-goal bonus prior to kick-off.
Might I also add that I am in the midst of my longest goal-scoring drought in a calendar year (two successive games without scoring... not even a rebound from six inches) and that this WILL be rectified on Sunday (probably with a rebound from six inches.)
* If you are not yet a father, there's still time to at least be a father-to-be, and that would count. Good hunting.
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