Game Review: 5/11

It was all-white on the night when a rare united front saw white and blue shirts merge into some kind of cyan super team to take on a team of young whippersnappers from Waldwick High.

With both teams playing with home advantage, and a truly partisan crowd (consisting of substitutes), there would only be one winner - the beautiful game.

But the actual winner was the kids. And the only losers were the moms, sitting home waiting for their Mother's Day breakfast in bed that would end up being 1) cold and 2) a Mother's Day brunch at best.

The WSS line-up was the stuff dreams are made of, even with goalkeeper Doug joining the teens and guarding their onion bag (and also raising the average age of their team from 16 to 35.)

While the legendary Blue Wall were wearing white shirts, there was no mistaking the cool, calm, shiny heads of the defensive pairing of Keith and Bobby. Midfield General Ed was replaced by Midfield General Ted. So slick was the transition, nobody noticed. Even the fabled "Tom and Jerry" forward line of... well, Tom and Jerry... was restored. This was truly a day that, in years to come, those who participated would say: "I was there - and I've still got the sun burn to prove it."

The early exchanges were more even than most would have expected. The starting line-up, so familiar with each others' game, refused to let the high schoolers get a rhythm going. The blues took the lead, but parity was soon restored when Tom, skinning the fullback as though it was his own son (it was) skipped through and beat the 'keeper at his near post.

In a day of rare events, something called "half time" arrived, mainly so the kids could get their breath back. The score was about 3-1 to the teens.

After the restart, the score began to slip-out of the WSS's collective grasps. Frank (playing in what can only be described as a "left" position) would blame the lack of coordination and cooperation, with so many changes affected any kind of passing game. Cooler heads would point to the lack of any kind of WSS midfield player for long periods of time along with defenders playing as forwards. While Steve in the WSS goal pulled off spectacular save after save, parrying shots away with his #1 FAN foam-hand-like appendages, he's only one man. The score got to about 6-1 to the kids, and the heat was taking its toll.

But just as the teens had their young legs, acne and wet dreams, the older, wiser heads had the edge in male-pattern baldness, cholesterol and tactics. It was time to get smart.

Critics may well get all preachy about the long-ball punts upfront, saying it's hardly the kind of soccer that wins over the neutrals. Well, bugger the neutrals. When WSS United switched to a more direct route, dividends were found instantly and while there is no "I" in TEAM there is in "WIN" - and these kids didn't realize that.

Scott Perkins, with his height and pace was latching on to booming goal kicks with ease as they soared over nine of the high schoolers eleven players, leaving the WSS with a four-on-two advantage time after time. It was only a matter of time before it paid off. An expert Perkins cross hit WSS #6 Keeble squarely in the right eye socket, then rebounded off a teenage defender's hairless body and right on to Keeble's shoelaces. Bang, thank you, goodnight. 6-2.

The kids of today don't learn, and while they continued to huff and puff, the veterans raised their game still further. Mark Miller continued his streak of covering every blade of artificial turf in every game he plays, and as John "The 10:15 train is now arriving at Platform Shin" Gilchrist scared the bejesus out of the teenagers more than A Nightmare on Elm Street ever did, the tide was turning. WSS captain and player-manager-elect Rocco ignored taunts of "grandpa" from opposing players (including his son, who should know better. Really!) and ripped up the flank like it was so much old carpet. Another defensive lapse, as the kids were probably discussing homework or girls or something, and it was 6-3.

On the back of this momentum, the tide had turned, wrecked the kids' sandcastles, and the neutrals (the people running around the track listening to their iPods) could only see one winner - the WSS Machine. There was only one course of action for the teens to take - surrender. The coach called them off (blaming the "games end after 90 minutes" rule) and gifted WSS United a win by default.

FINAL SCORE (somewhere in the region of): Waldwick High Kids 6, WSS United 8 (including a five goal bonus for the default victory)